Memories

Facebook can be annoying and frustrating at times.  Often there are more ads on there than news from Facebook friends.  One of my favourite things from this social media is to see happy news from family and friends.  I enjoy those first day of school pictures, the decorated houses for Christmas, and of course, most recent the great costumes from the little and not-so-little trick or treaters.

Another thing I enjoy from Facebook is when it pops up and says that “you have memories to look back on this date.”  I can fondly remember great vacations, good hikes and how cute and little our grandchildren were.  To set the record straight, they are still cute but not so little.

Today this picture popped up as a memory.  It was a picture that Tina had tagged me in.

It’s so sad to me that I won’t get any messages from Tina any more unless a miracle happens.  So, when Facebook shows me a memory that Tina is in, I will treasure that moment even more.

I know that the blog has been a little quiet these days but I don’t hear a lot of news or the news is much the same.  Tina continues to be looked after at the hospital.  Some of you have gone to visit or take Tina for a walk.  Some of you have sat with Tina and fed her and many of you have offered words of encouragement and told us that you are continuing to pray.  

We appreciate all of you….because of you we are STEELE Standing.

Happy Birthday to Mom!

Today our mom turns 82.  She had already left the house this morning when I called.  She was with Tina at the hospital.  Tina had eaten a half of a muffin and then wanted to lay on her side.

Picture taken on their 60th anniversary 

I wondered this morning what mom would have been doing if she wasn’t at the bedside by her youngest daughter.  She would have probably gone out for breakfast and hopefully got a free one due it being her birthday.  They may go out for lunch since a lady from mom and dad’s church was coming to sit with Tina.

Mom has been so faithful to be there for Tina.  She is on the top of Tina’s list to call when she needs anything.

Happy birthday mom from all of us!  We love you!!

*************

If you are interested in going to sit with Tina at the hospital she would love to have you there for a few hours to give her a drink or two, feed her a meal and try and make her comfortable.  You might be able to give mom a break some time.  We appreciate your support.

Tina was moved to a semi-private room so if you have been there before….she has moved.

Oh….and Happy Birthday to Hilda who shares the exact day and year for her birthday.  Two special ladies born on this day 82 years ago!

STEELE Standing….

Flying Home

I’ve been staring at this empty page for a while.  I know that there have been so many following Tina’s journey and looking for updates.  I have continued to do the posts because I promised Tina that I would.  I have many moments when the words that I put in print hit me…this is really happening to our sister.  It is in those moments that my emotions pour out in tears.  

Today Carol will be flying back home.  She has a long day of travel but right now she is at the hospital with Tina.  I know that my dear sister will be strong saying goodbye and then walk away in tears.  There is nothing easy about saying goodbye.  

Carol said that they were tying to brave
saying goodbye! 😢

Mom will replace her at the hospital when dad drives Carol to meet Jenn.  The trip will continue with Jenn dropping her off at the airport.  She won’t arrive home until after midnight her time.

Yesterday, Tina had a CT scan to make sure everything would be okay when they insert the feeding tube.  Dr. Robertson will be doing the procedure when it is deemed necessary.  He has assured her that the procedure will be different then what she experienced in Kingston.

Say a prayer today for Carol as she travels.

STEELE Standing?

Rough Waters

For 19 years, I was a pastor’s wife.  During that time, Ron and I had many times to grieve.  We have sat by hospital beds and watched someone take their last breath.  We have held the hands of people who have just said goodbye to their loved one.  I have given many hugs to family members at a funeral and tried to offer words of comfort. Since becoming an RCMP spouse, I have attended a memorial service for members that have lost their life in the line of duty. It took my breath away watching a young son solute the flag while honouring his dad.

Grieving is hard.  We can grieve many things and I have discovered that we all do it in different ways.

When Tina was diagnosed with ALS, our grieving started. Carol, Tina and I have grown closer through this devastating news.  When we use to have our morning video chats, we talked about everything and anything.  We were able to turn something so negative into something positive.  We STEELE hate ALS but we are thankful that our SISTER THREE relationship has grown closer.  We are learning to swim through these waters and the ocean hasn’t been too calm.

I have seen super strength develop through this time.  Watching my mom look after her youngest daughter has shown amazing strength.  Seeing Carol fly across the country to help Tina, when she is still grieving a grandson, shows love and devotion. I have cried more tears over these months and am told that that is the way my body is releasing the pain. I have heard from many how Jenn took time off work (losing income) to be there with Tina.   I can’t even imagine how Tina’s boys are dealing with all of this.

When someone you know and love has a disease that will cut their life short it is the time to focus on that person.  It’s the time for no regrets. It’s the time to surround them with the people they love and who loves them. It is the time to STEELE make good and positive memories.  

I have watched from a distance many of you connecting and reconnecting with Tina.  You have been amazing to show her love.  She really appreciates your love and the support that you have given. You are truly a blessing at this difficult time.

And then there is Tina.  This is not the choice she wants.  She too, is grieving, probably more than all of us.  She has shown resilience beyond what anyone could ever imagine.  She offers a smile to those around.  She has gone through all of the emotions and yet, I feel like she is staying strong for all of us.  Tina has said, “that if I don’t get healed in this life, I will be in the next.” 

We keep praying.  

We are all going through different emotions at this time and the time is not to focus on what we are losing but what we have right now.

Thank you Tina for showing us that.  You are STEELE amazing and teaching us so much.

*********

I found this article about grieving from  Vita’s Health

Feelings Often Experienced While Grieving 

Sadness 

• The most common reaction, sadness is sometimes exhibited by crying 

Anger 

• Frequently felt and often one of the most confusing feelings 
• Unacknowledged anger can lead to complicated grief 
• Turned inward, anger can cause depression or suicidal feelings 
• Anger comes from two sources:
  • A sense of frustration that the death was not prevented 
  • A regressive or more childlike reaction to being abandoned 
• A mourner might blame someone else for the death to make sense of the loss or to validate that it could have been prevented 

Guilt 

Guilt is often associated with something that happened or something that was neglected around the time of the death 

Anxiety 

• The more intense and persistent the anxiety, the more outside help is needed to process the grief reaction 
• Anxiety comes from:
  • Fear of being unable to care for yourself 
  • Awareness of your own mortality 

Fatigue 

• Tiredness and fatigue are often seen and experienced as apathy and listlessness

Shock 

• Can occur with both sudden and anticipated deaths 

Loneliness 

Helplessness

Happy Sunday

Carol sent me a picture this morning and it made me smile.  I thought I should share it to make you smile too.

STEELE together….my beautiful sisters!

A Short and Sweet Update

We were all a little concerned with the pneumonia diagnosis yesterday.  Thankfully, Tina was started on antibiotics right away to try and get ahead of it.

This morning, Tina asked google to call our very worried mom.  She sounded much better to everyone’s relief.  

Carol sent me a message this morning that Tina was thinking she was feeling up to going to the gift shop to have a look.

Carol and I both agree that Tina is one tough girl.

It’s always good to be able to write a post about something positive.  We know that life is very short and, sometimes not especially sweet, but we will take every day, every moment that we have to try and be positive.  Tina has taught us that.

Speaking of short and sweet….

You are Appreciated!

Carol arrived in Ontario in time for Thanksgiving and today she is thankful that her luggage found its way to her.

Yesterday, her and mom spent some time with Tina.  Tina’s spirits were up and she managed having a little bit of a turkey dinner.  She even enjoyed a piece of mom’s pumpkin pie.

Today, Carol was back to the hospital with Tina.  Tina wasn’t having a great day. She didn’t have much of an appetite today and was pretty tired. They ran bloodwork because she had been nauseous and wanted to make sure that she didn’t have an infection.  Through the tests, they found out that Tina has pneumonia again.  They started her on antibiotics.

Tina still hasn’t had the feeding tube inserted. Still waiting.

Tina still needs someone there through the day to help feed her and keep her company. 

On this Thanksgiving Weekend, we want to thank everyone that has helped in whatever way.  These past few months have left us grateful for those that have helped Tina.  Visiting or staying with Tina was huge.  The many meals and treats were greatly appreciated.  Your prayers and encouragement have kept us all going.

Thank you for STEELE Standing with us.  We appreciate you!

Happy Thanksgiving From The Steele’s

We should be thankful all year but it seems like most of us focus more on it on Thanksgiving Weekend.  This weekend always reminds me of the many family times that we spent at the hunting camp.  When it is a nice fall day, I will say “it’s a hunting camp kind of day.”

It was the day that I always looked forward to and it never disappointed.  Mom would plan the menu and we would bring the extras to go with it.  We sometimes had Turkey or maybe hamburgs.  The food was always good and it didn’t really matter what we had.  

There were usually family add ons…like the McCutcheon’s or cousins came or the kids’ friends…the more the merrier.  There were quads and dirt bikes and I always enjoyed the walk through the beautiful trees while rustling through the fallen leaves.

This year, Carol will be with Mom and Dad and spending time with Tina.  I am sure there will be laughter, recalling memories and maybe some tears and I know there will be food.

This year, I am thankful for the memories.  I know that there are many more memories to make but today I hold unto the memories of so many Thanksgivings of the past.  Good memories!

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours….we are STEELE Thankful!

Off To Kingston

Tina got to have her birthday party on Saturday and then today she was transferred to Kingston General Hospital. They aren’t allowing any visitors due to COVID restrictions.

She should have the surgery Wednesday or Thursday to install the feeding tube on and be transferred back to Napanee either Friday or Saturday.  Tina was told that they were doing the tube Tuesday and be discharged on Thursday.

So as far as we know, Tina will have the surgery sometime and be released sometime after that?????

Some days my mind thinks about how life use to be.  I think about how Tina kept busy juggling two or three jobs.  I let my mind wander to the Halloweens when we would take the kids trick or treating.  I can even smile when I remember Anthony, Tina’s oldest, dressed like a present.  Each door we would have to wait until he got crunched down in his box costume before we could knock on the door.  I think about the summers when Tina and the boys would spend time with us.  Our last time to the St. George’s Lake cottage, Tina had just had her gall bladder surgery.  She wanted in the water so I helped her flop into a giant tire. I remember that it was easier getting her in the tire than out. Those are the times I like to think about.  

Then reality hits.  I shutter thinking about the tubes that she now has connected to her. More often than not, tears flow even when I say her name. Sometimes I have a hard time breathing when I hear that she has lost another battle with her body. 

When Tina asked me to follow her journey through a blog, I knew that it was going to be hard but I also knew that I needed to do it for her.  This is a journey that I would not wish on anybody…it’s a journey that needs the support of all of you and we do appreciate you all.

Pray for Tina as she once again goes through another procedure.  Please pray that she will have peace.  Pray for Tina’s boys…and mom and dad.

We are STEELE a here, STEELE Standing and Steele needing your prayers.

Emma is Off Duty

 

For two months, and every school holiday before that, Emma has been Tina’s side kick, receptionist, care giver and companion.  She knew how to take care of Aunt Tina and could explain any procedure to any one that was helping.  She was quick to recognize when Tina needed a drink or able to call for help if needed. She has surprised many with her ability to help in whatever way that was needed.

Emma has won the hearts of many and I know that she will be missed by the many volunteers and workers that pass through Tina’s home.  She will be extremely missed by Tina.

It was time, even though hard, for her to go back home and get ready for school. 

Emma, you have been an amazing help.  We all love you!  We know, that even though you aren’t at Aunt Tina’s side right now, that you are STEELE a standing with her.

Carol will be with Tina in 21 days…

"It's Your Birthday But I Get the Gift"

It was Carol's birthday yesterday and she was able to spend some time at the beach and have some sushi and cake to celebrate.  She also spent some time on the Westjet site to look for tickets and pulled the plug and booked tickets.

When Carol told Tina that she was booked to go to Ontario later in September, Tina said, "It's your birthday but I got the gift."  I think Tina was pretty happy to get that news.

It will be nice for Carol and Tina to have some time together.

*****

Yesterday,  Jenn and Emma spent the day with Tina.  They got there a little later because of an appointment.  Tina had learned two things today:

1) she can ask google to set an alarm to get people to help her.

2) That Google does not understand her correctly when she has the bipap on.  She tried to call mom on google and ended up having to hang up on 5 different people before she got mom.  So if you are on Tina's contact list and got a hang up from an unknown number yesterday, that was Tina!

Tina said that she is trying to be a good girl and use the mask more to help with her breathing.

We are STEELE standing and one of us will be flying next month.

We really appreciate all your comments either on facebook or on this blog.

Note:  If you leave a comment on the blog and you would like to have us know who you are, click on the down arrow beside anonymous and choose Name/URL and then enter your name.  You don't need to put anything in the URL.  We will then be able to put a name to the comment.

Yard Sales and Napanee Connections

On Saturday, Howard H hosted a garage sale and all the proceeds went to Tina to help them.  Emma, Abby and Anthony did their part by running a lemonade stand.

They are pretty cute salespeople!

I was told that the day brought in just over $1000!  Tina was able to make it to the garage sale.  Hilda said that it was so nice to have a visit with them for a bit.

Thanks Howard and Hilda and all those that helped!

They were also able to get a ramp from the Gananoque church so that Tina can be wheeled into the bedroom instead of having to do the one step up.

Nursing has been changed to a daily visit instead of just twice a week.

Tina's beautiful blanket with the heart warming story behind
it a previous post.

There is still a struggle with the PSW and Respite times but this should be (hopefully) resolved within the next two weeks.  Saint Elizabeth has now got their Director involved to try and resolve the no shows or coming later than expected.

Tina continues to struggle with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks and so her medication has been increased.  Her anxiety is due to the workers not showing up and the progression of the disease.

With nursing coming daily, her care requirements will be reported more frequently and hopefully more care will be added.  A request was put in that the PSW time be changed from 1 1/2 hours a day to 2-4 hours and that Respite be increased to 4 days a week.

Today when I talked to Tina for a quick minute she said that she had gone to Dairy Queen for ice cream.  It's so good that she can still get out for these little treats.

.....

In Carol's world, Dustin (her second oldest boy) came for a week or so to visit on the island.  Carol got to have both of her boys around for a bit and it was good for the soul.

Ron and I drove north to a friend's birthday party.  It turned out to be a Napanee reunion.  There were lots of connections.  

The birthday was for Kevin, an OLD friend. 

Remember the Alberta boys in a previous post?

Kevin had recently been in Napanee to visit his mom, Thelma. Kevin's sister, Nancy has blessed Tina with meals and tarts.  I now have her recipe to try. Kevin had also stopped to see Tina a couple of times. Leanne, Kevin's wife, was friends with Tina when they were in their teens and apparently had a few experiences together that we laughed about.  I couldn't get a good picture of Leanne because she was busy hosting and looking after her little grandchildren.

Gary S. was also there.  He was quick to say that we were his Sunday School teachers way back when...

Ashley was there and the connection was two fold.  I don't think I had met her before but she is married to Kevin's nephew, Tyler.  Tyler's mom, Donna B just started following this blog.  Ashley's parents were youth pastors' in Belleville when we lived in Frankford, Ont.  

And then, in came friends of Kevin and Leanne's, Gord and Kendra.  We had never met them before but found out that Gord is a brother-in-law to Carolyn, another blog follower. They just moved from Napanee to retire in Alberta.

This may be all a little confusing to people that aren't connected to Napanee but I thought it was fun to share for the many that follow the blog that live or are from Napanee.

When we left Kevin and Leanne's, we went to stay overnight at Dustin and Katie's.  Dustin is our nephew and happens to be Kevin's 2nd cousin from the other side of the family.  Mind blown?  Let's just say "It's a small world."

We were thankful for some friend/family time in the west.  There were many questions about how Tina was doing.  Tina's journey continues to grow as people follow her story through these posts.

We have not been having our morning Sister Three chats and they are missed.  Mom and Dad told me that they continue to be amazed at how many people have poured out time, money, food and gifts to Tina.  

So we continue to STEELE Stand...sometimes we are lonely, sometimes we don't feel like talking but we are STEELE here.  We STEELE appreciate your thoughts, comments and especially your prayers.

Oh ...and one more thing, Howard (the garage sale host) was originally from Napanee!!!

He's STEELE Standing

The patriarch of our family turns 86 today.  Dad is celebrating his special day in style....going to Denny's Restaurant.  

Dad retired from work 16 years ago after a long career with Dupont.  He said at that time that he wanted to get out of there to enjoy life after work and he did.  A number of years later, he suffered a couple of heart attacks but even that didn't seem to stop him.  He has slowed down the past few years with his legs giving him trouble.

Dad was called "Sparky" growing up.  He always had lots of energy.  In his younger years, he played hockey and mom was there to cheer him on.  I have heard lots of stories about the purses coming across the boards when dad would check someone close to where mom and her sister were sitting.  I think mom might be the reason that they put plexiglass around the rinks now.

When we were young, dad was the one that would organize a baseball game in the backyard for the neighbourhood kids.  I will always remember him shouting to one little guy on third base to run home and the boy took him literally and took off home (to his house).

On hot days, he would come home from work and tell us to get changed.  We would hurry to get our bathing suits on and head to the local quarry for a swim to cool off. 

In the winter, he would shovel some of our back yard and water it regularly so that we could have our own ice rink.  I remember once him even building an igloo.  He was always kind of a big kid.

He enjoyed travelling up to about 13 years ago.  They travelled by plane, car and motorcycle seeing Canada from coast to coast. 

He is now known as Papa to lots of grandkids and great grandkids.

Happy Birthday Dad from The Sister Three!

I was pleasantly surprised this morning when talking to dad that my ipad rang and it was Tina.  We haven't been able to do our regular chats because of Tina being sick.  

Carol didn't make it on this morning and the chat was very short.  Tina just wanted to let us know that her emotions are out of whack.  While she was sick, before going to the hospital, meds were overlooked and now she needs things to regulate.  She is doing better physically but emotionally is not doing well. 

Emma is back at her side to help out.  Today the homecare worker came in the morning and respite was soon to arrive.  The nurse was coming to check her vitals.

Please continue to pray for Tina.  This is a journey that no one wants to take.  

Tina is STEELE Standing....she just needs a little more support.  Thank you for supporting Tina and our family in your thoughts, prayers and generosity.

Note:  If you leave a comment on the blog and you would like to have us know who you are, click on the down arrow beside anonymous and choose Name/URL and then enter your name.  You don't need to put anything in the URL.  We will then be able to put a name to the comment.

Hospital, Testimony, New Equipment and Borje Salming

 Wednesday is usually a Jenn day and so she was at the hospital with Tina.

She gave us reports through the day and the first one was that Tina ate all of her breakfast.  She hasn't been hungry for quite awhile and we all know that hospital food isn't the best and so it was great that she had enough of an appetite to finish her meal.

Her blood pressure was 124/80 which is great for this Baby Princess.

Physio came and it was good that they were able to get started back on the stretches.  She actually walked today during physio.

She ate her breakfast and lunch.  Vitals are good and she walked to the doors by the elevator.  Jenn wheeled her downstairs and she sat outside  for 1/2 hour waiting for Austin.

When he arrived it was time to go back up.  She walked to the washroom and relaxed waiting for lunch.  She is her bossy little self!"

Here is the link for Tina's testimony that she did at church and I am hoping that I can add it here so that you can all hear how strong Tina is.  Click on the link to listen.

Tina's testimony at church

Today, a retired Toronto Maple Leaf Player was diagnosed with ALS. 

Borje Salming Diagnosed with ALS

"I do not know how the days ahead will be, but I understand that there will be challenges greater than anything I have ever faced," Salming said in a statement.

They are still not giving a discharge date and we are all thankful that Tina is getting the care that she needs and is feeling so much better.  Some of you have asked if you could go in and sit with Tina while she is at the hospital.  We so appreciate these offers but unfortunately with the hospital restrictions, they will only allow the 4 people that were put on the visitation list.  Usually only 3 are allowed but they made an exception and let 4 people be named.

We are so happy that Tina is STEELE improving with the health care that she is receiving.  Thank you for STEELE reading.

Final Night

This was our first rainy day; but even then, we had enough sunny periods to enjoy the day at the cottage.  Kim, the homeworker, came in the morning and gave Tina a good bath, got her dressed, did her exercises and her hair.  She was really good at taking her time and paying attention to Tina’s needs.

The nurse came later to check on Tina and see how she has been doing,  Her ventilator worked much better last night.  We didn’t have any bad episodes.

Kevin and Pam stopped in for a visit.  Pam. brought some nachos and a loaded dip with deviled eggs.

Ron came back and brought Sarah.  The girls spent some time in the lake.

They slowly got Tina to the car without incident.  It was a successful Sister Three Cottage time.

Just as everyone was leaving we were able to do a quick video chat with Cousin, Janice.  She had been very interested in this time together since she has a brother-in-law with ALS. and has lots of memories on White Lake with Aunt Reta and Uncle Gerald.

And our final night at the cottage is with a bit of a different mix of people.  Ron, Sarah, Carol and I are at the cottage.  Carol and I are feeling pretty tired. It’s a beautiful evening after a rainy day.

We are glad that we are STEELE a standing after a week at the cottage.  Tina was able to walk out of the cottage with lots of help.  We think she enjoyed her time and she STEELE likes being treated like a Princess.

Good night Princess.  I hope you sleep well in your home.

Girls’ Day

The “princess” made an official girls’ day at the cottage.  We woke up to perfect conditions.  The lake was like glass and there wasn’t even a hint of a breeze.

By Emma 

We were moving a little slower this morning because Tina had a few coughing/almost choking spells in the night.  Carol took the lead on these times while mom and I stayed in bed and prayed.

This morning, as I sat on the deck, I stared at the calm water and glanced over at the canoes.  Ron has always been the driver for the canoe but on an all girls’ day, I could not ignore the canoe calling me.  Emma and I got the canoe in the lake and away we went.

Tina was in the cottage with her homecare worker.  She got a quick bath, dressed and had the exercises done.  When Emma had had enough, Carol joined me in the canoe and we paddled down to Aunt Reta and  Uncle Gerald’s old cottage.

Dr. Fitzpatrick called Tina to check on her BIPAP machine and her use of the cough assist.  She got a few different instructions on the CPAP machine and Carol did the adjustments. The ventilator needs to be on the floor and the hose should be wrapped to keep warm. They will send a sleeve that can go around the hose.  Hopefully, with some of these changes, she won’t have the coughing/choking spells through the night.

Emma has been in and out of the water through the day and I have been enjoying the deck.  Tina likes Emma to set up word games on the tv and then she works to guess them.

Carol made lunch today.  She has the ability to pull a variety of things out of the fridge, add some spices and voila…a delicious lunch.  Emma made KD for her and Tina.

Emma and I went for a drive in the cool green charger.

I drove mom home later in the day so that she could be with dad.  

Tina shared this with us and I thought I would add it on her official girls’ cottage day:

The sun is setting on another cottage time…we are down to three sisters and Emma.  

Tina allowed me to take a picture of her all snuggled into her chair ready to sleep.  She has hand braces on, towels supporting her arms, a ventilator assisting her breathing and we are hoping and praying for a peaceful night for her.

Tomorrow, the men are allowed back at the cottage.  We are STEELE standing even though we feel like we need extra support.  The extra support just may be the husbands.  Carol’s hubby won’t be here but he is making his way to Alberta to pick her up at the airport on Saturday.

So until tomorrow….