Rough Waters

For 19 years, I was a pastor’s wife.  During that time, Ron and I had many times to grieve.  We have sat by hospital beds and watched someone take their last breath.  We have held the hands of people who have just said goodbye to their loved one.  I have given many hugs to family members at a funeral and tried to offer words of comfort. Since becoming an RCMP spouse, I have attended a memorial service for members that have lost their life in the line of duty. It took my breath away watching a young son solute the flag while honouring his dad.

Grieving is hard.  We can grieve many things and I have discovered that we all do it in different ways.

When Tina was diagnosed with ALS, our grieving started. Carol, Tina and I have grown closer through this devastating news.  When we use to have our morning video chats, we talked about everything and anything.  We were able to turn something so negative into something positive.  We STEELE hate ALS but we are thankful that our SISTER THREE relationship has grown closer.  We are learning to swim through these waters and the ocean hasn’t been too calm.

I have seen super strength develop through this time.  Watching my mom look after her youngest daughter has shown amazing strength.  Seeing Carol fly across the country to help Tina, when she is still grieving a grandson, shows love and devotion. I have cried more tears over these months and am told that that is the way my body is releasing the pain. I have heard from many how Jenn took time off work (losing income) to be there with Tina.   I can’t even imagine how Tina’s boys are dealing with all of this.

When someone you know and love has a disease that will cut their life short it is the time to focus on that person.  It’s the time for no regrets. It’s the time to surround them with the people they love and who loves them. It is the time to STEELE make good and positive memories.  

I have watched from a distance many of you connecting and reconnecting with Tina.  You have been amazing to show her love.  She really appreciates your love and the support that you have given. You are truly a blessing at this difficult time.

And then there is Tina.  This is not the choice she wants.  She too, is grieving, probably more than all of us.  She has shown resilience beyond what anyone could ever imagine.  She offers a smile to those around.  She has gone through all of the emotions and yet, I feel like she is staying strong for all of us.  Tina has said, “that if I don’t get healed in this life, I will be in the next.” 

We keep praying.  

We are all going through different emotions at this time and the time is not to focus on what we are losing but what we have right now.

Thank you Tina for showing us that.  You are STEELE amazing and teaching us so much.

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I found this article about grieving from  Vita’s Health

Feelings Often Experienced While Grieving 

Sadness 

• The most common reaction, sadness is sometimes exhibited by crying 

Anger 

• Frequently felt and often one of the most confusing feelings 
• Unacknowledged anger can lead to complicated grief 
• Turned inward, anger can cause depression or suicidal feelings 
• Anger comes from two sources:
  • A sense of frustration that the death was not prevented 
  • A regressive or more childlike reaction to being abandoned 
• A mourner might blame someone else for the death to make sense of the loss or to validate that it could have been prevented 

Guilt 

Guilt is often associated with something that happened or something that was neglected around the time of the death 

Anxiety 

• The more intense and persistent the anxiety, the more outside help is needed to process the grief reaction 
• Anxiety comes from:
  • Fear of being unable to care for yourself 
  • Awareness of your own mortality 

Fatigue 

• Tiredness and fatigue are often seen and experienced as apathy and listlessness

Shock 

• Can occur with both sudden and anticipated deaths 

Loneliness 

Helplessness